@artfulartsyamy on Twitter
Here are a few of my favorites:
Fabulous Male student: "Ms. J., I'm excited cause Glee is on tonight and Kurt is my favorite!" Same male student (10 mins later): "Ms. J. guess what? I know a gay person."
Student : "it ain't hard to breed a dog. All ya gotta do is give it ice cream and lots of food. It calms them down."
Male Student : "Ms. J. what's a maxi pad?" Me: "Um, it's for ladies only." Student : "Like a tampon?! Nasty!!"
Discussion w/student accused of saying dirty things. Student: "All I said was 'beat the meat.'" Me: "OK. You know that means masturbation, right?" Student [turns red]: "WHAT?!"
"Ms. J. Can we paint a Sacajawea like da Vinci did?"
Ah so it finally happened. A student told me to go "f" myself. Best of luck in life to you dearie.
Student: "ewww! Ms J.! Tell that boy to quit humping the table!"
We invented cereals today for a package design project. One student meant to spell "ninja crunch." I think he was going for "n-i-n-g-a crunch," but he left out a crucial "n" and left a racial slur
Report cards went home today. Student: "I got all A's,B's, C's, and a little bit of F."
Student haiku for typography project: hot wings are the best. The boneless ones are better. Ranch makes it the best.
Dear sixth graders: I don't want to be an alcoholic living in a cardboard box. You have got to calm down. Seriously
Flamboyant student: "I don't know how to clap; I only know how to SNAP!"
Student who overheard me on the phone with a supply distributor: "Wow Ms. J. You like actually sounded professional."
Fundraising student: "Ms. J. are you lonely?" Me: "Uh, no. Where is this going?" Student: "I'm selling cookies and all lonely women like cookies."
Student: "I bet in jail there is a lot of soap on the floor."